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The Apprentice, 26th Oct 2009

Simon McGarr — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:29:51 +0000

You're Fired!

The Apprentice, 12th Oct 2009

Simon McGarr — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:55:49 +0000

You're Fired!

The Apprentice, 5th Oct 2009

Simon McGarr — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:46:10 +0000

You're Fired!

The Apprentice, 28th Sept 2009

Simon McGarr — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:30:57 +0000

The Apprentice, 21st Sept 2009

Simon McGarr — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:29:50 +0000

The Apprentice Final, TV3

Simon McGarr — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:41:45 +0000

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3:55 PM OK, roll call first of all. Who’s at home and who’s in Dame Street?

The Irish Apprentice Episode 12

Simon McGarr — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:05:32 +0000

9:56 PM Simon McGarr - Bill Cullen wants YOU!
9:57 PM Valerie Woods - Don’t think I’m enough of a warrior for him…..but let’s see how it goes
9:58 PM Suzy Byrne - well he can’t have me! And neither will Q&A with this programme clashing!
10:00 PM Simon McGarr - “I’m a Warrior Bill! I’ll fight for you!” Should we not be concerned at Bill’s plans to build his own private army?
10:01 PM Simon McGarr - Watching the pre-start ads. Where on earth do TV3 get these unwatchable movies? The Lake House?
10:01 PM Simon McGarr - Vincent Brown shouting at me.
10:02 PM Valerie Woods - I don’t know, there were far crazier people than him with armies…..FAR crazier. Vincent Brown thinks he knows more than Vincent Brown knows
10:03 PM Simon McGarr - Ah, the tour of Bill’s Wonderful life.
10:03 PM Simon McGarr - Given the state of Ireland’s economy, it is possible that this will be the Ultimate Job Interview in the nation.
10:05 PM Suzy Byrne - Brennans Bread product placement? Nothing would surprise me after the last few weeks…
10:05 PM Suzy Byrne - Wonder will Brenda’s date of birth be checked today?
10:06 PM Simon McGarr - Who are the mad heads left?
10:06 PM Suzy Byrne - There is no way Orla is older than Brenda!
10:06 PM Simon McGarr - My money’s on Brenda ForTheWin!
10:06 PM Suzy Byrne - Orla, Nicky, Brenda and Stuart
10:07 PM Simon McGarr - Professional Interviewers. Another career my Career Guidance teacher failed to let me know was an option.
10:07 PM Suzy Byrne - PWC going to show what they charge thousands for…
10:07 PM Valerie Woods - Oh…an Interview!!! Imagine! This is actually my first time watching it….I saw a bit of it two weeks ago.
10:08 PM Simon McGarr - Now THAT’s product placement.
10:08 PM Simon McGarr - A Mogul? I love Moguls.
10:08 PM Valerie Woods - They charge for their swanky new offices and courtesy buses!
10:09 PM Suzy Byrne - Interviewers – Gavin Duffy, (Media Mogul) Sheena Clohessy,(hr consultant) Paul hennessy…PWC head…
10:09 PM Suzy Byrne - Team player – ding..
10:09 PM Simon McGarr - We get Bill’s job spec at last. He wants someone who will go around obstacles or through them.
10:10 PM Simon McGarr - I always do one of those two.
10:10 PM Suzy Byrne - So who is Gavin Duffy? Media he moguls?
10:11 PM Valerie Woods - typos!!!
10:12 PM Simon McGarr - Typos in the CV. Burn.
10:12 PM Suzy Byrne - Brenda has Typos…
10:12 PM Valerie Woods - Excuses…not taking responsibility….very bad!
10:12 PM Suzy Byrne - ‘when you delegate you cannot abdicate..’
10:12 PM Valerie Woods - I must remember that one!
10:13 PM Simon McGarr - MAD HEAD ALERT! You know, you’re allowed blink at interviews, Stewart.
10:13 PM Suzy Byrne - skill sets ding…
10:13 PM Valerie Woods - Don’t be mean….he might not have eyelids.
10:14 PM Suzy Byrne - Never a truer word Gavin – Ms Avg is perfect description for Orla!
10:14 PM Simon McGarr - Ostriches have that problem.
10:14 PM Valerie Woods - No eyelids or averageness?
10:16 PM Simon McGarr - Stupid Bond Ad for an Opel. Lads, its an Opel.
10:16 PM Suzy Byrne - Where is little Ms. Nicky? Even more avg than Orla if that could be possible..
10:16 PM Valerie Woods - They’re the most break intoable cars on the market…they’re market leaders
10:17 PM Valerie Woods - Is that glasses? First impression of her was that she was in the wrong place….let’s see how she does
10:18 PM Suzy Byrne - Yup glasses..
10:18 PM Simon McGarr - Gavin Duffy is, according to Mediatraining.ie, Ireland’s leading Media Coach. His mogul status stems from being CEO of LM FM.
10:18 PM Simon McGarr - She’s an Estate Agent, so I wish her only ill.
10:18 PM Valerie Woods - Only the worst of curses upon her
10:19 PM Simon McGarr - Stewart must have a little book of business cliche.
10:19 PM Valerie Woods - she’s coming over as quite nervous
10:20 PM Valerie Woods - Cliches are cliches because they tend to be true often
10:20 PM Simon McGarr - Bruce College to Auctioneering.
10:21 PM Simon McGarr - Gavin just kicked the Auctioneer about the room. I feel great.
10:21 PM Suzy Byrne - Orla looks like she’s wearing a clerical collar…
10:21 PM Valerie Woods - Blaming and more blaming
10:21 PM Simon McGarr - Anglican Apprentice?
10:22 PM Valerie Woods - Ha ha she does!! It’s multidenominational
10:22 PM Suzy Byrne - Orla’s still pissed off at Shane…
10:22 PM Valerie Woods - on shaky equality ground in this interview now
10:23 PM Simon McGarr - Brenda gave us the only good explanation as to why she’d like the job. My money is looking pretty safe.
10:23 PM Valerie Woods - I’ve been in the civil service for too long!
10:23 PM Suzy Byrne - She seems to be the best out of the women as far as I can see
10:23 PM Suzy Byrne - Deeply questionable on at least 4 of the Nine Grounds.
10:24 PM Suzy Byrne - the apprentice and discrimination seem to go hand in hand…
10:24 PM Valerie Woods - Looks like it.
10:27 PM Simon McGarr - Stewart gets a gold star. Abandons Kuwait cars, went home.
10:27 PM Suzy Byrne - oh Gavin wins prize for heartless b*stard!
10:27 PM Valerie Woods - ….Gets into scrap with Gavin
10:28 PM Valerie Woods - she walked right into that one
10:29 PM Suzy Byrne - Orla is going to be chewed up and spat out here by Ms Shrink…
10:30 PM Suzy Byrne - Come on Brenda…
10:30 PM Valerie Woods - Good woman yourself!!
10:30 PM Valerie Woods - She doesn’t know!
10:31 PM Valerie Woods - Ah the old box ticking error
10:31 PM Suzy Byrne - Stuart does not have a criminal record
10:31 PM Valerie Woods - He’s not a pilot either
10:31 PM Suzy Byrne - Stuart admits to being a womaniser and liar to boot!
10:32 PM Valerie Woods - it’s only when he wants to get someone in the sack that he lies?!
10:32 PM Valerie Woods - My money is on him!
10:32 PM Suzy Byrne - Gavin’s chin nearly hits the table in his earnestness…seeking answers
10:34 PM Valerie Woods - So she’s a big fish in a little pond
10:34 PM Suzy Byrne - Nicky does not need her hand held she says…
10:35 PM Valerie Woods - That ad doesn’t make me want to take a taxi
10:35 PM Simon McGarr - Flaky net connection once again lets me down.
10:36 PM Simon McGarr - Ferrero Roche giving me another sub-Bond experience.
10:36 PM Suzy Byrne - my net is also not playing ball tonight…time to break out the chocolate…
10:37 PM Valerie Woods - That’s a disappointment. I’m in the other room to the tv…and I have some spousal background noise..but other than it’s grand here.
10:38 PM Simon McGarr - Taking a tiny peep at RTE to see who’s on the Q&A Panel while the Lindor bedazzle me with their melty wares.
10:38 PM Suzy Byrne - and on the receptionists desk tonight…?
10:39 PM Simon McGarr - Last week she had a stapler and an unplugged computer.
10:39 PM Suzy Byrne - orla’s range of blouses are unbelievably…bad…
10:39 PM Valerie Woods - I have no chocolate at all
10:39 PM Suzy Byrne - Where’s Brian and Jackie?
10:39 PM Valerie Woods - I was just thinking that! They’re as lousy as her attitude
10:40 PM Simon McGarr - Bill didn’t want them to hear the secret sauce.
10:40 PM Suzy Byrne - Nicky is liked..wow..
10:40 PM Simon McGarr - They like Nikki. I’m disappointed.
10:40 PM Valerie Woods - I’m surprised
10:41 PM Suzy Byrne - Orla padlocked with a chain..lol
10:41 PM Simon McGarr - Man from PriceWaterHouseCoopers failed to sparkle.
10:41 PM Valerie Woods - Not surprised at that
10:41 PM Valerie Woods - PWC and sparkle dont go together
10:41 PM Simon McGarr - Female interviewer speaks in Bullet Points.
10:42 PM Suzy Byrne - Brenda impresses Gavin!
10:43 PM Valerie Woods - I don’t particularly like Stuart
10:43 PM Suzy Byrne - but is not an apprentice according to hr woman..
10:43 PM Simon McGarr - Bill smiles at the very mention of Stewart.
10:43 PM Suzy Byrne - you are not alone Valerie…
10:43 PM Valerie Woods - He sees himself…that’s why he smiles
10:44 PM Simon McGarr - “Scores high on the likeability factor”. PwC oratory fail.
10:44 PM Valerie Woods - UBER fail!
10:45 PM Valerie Woods - There’s just something a bit creepy about Stuart…I think it’s the admitting to lying to burds thing that put me off him
10:45 PM Suzy Byrne - so they didn’t like Orla and liked the other 3 – Nicky the only apprentice of the lot of them though?
10:46 PM Valerie Woods - Yeah I was really surprised at that. I suppose, they want someone who they can mould
10:46 PM Simon McGarr - He flashed them his badge.
10:47 PM Valerie Woods - Ha ha I hope it was a big shiny one to distract them
10:48 PM Suzy Byrne - Fiona Looney and razor sharp don’t go together
10:48 PM Simon McGarr - She has quite the hairdresser, to be fair.
10:48 PM Valerie Woods - Yeah I want her hair
10:49 PM Simon McGarr - By the way, I am performing the superhuman task of liveblogging two programmes at once.
10:49 PM Suzy Byrne - laptop still not working – hole punch and a refill pad! Red blouse for advent!
10:49 PM Valerie Woods - yis are shite all of yis!
10:49 PM Valerie Woods - You’re some man for one man!
10:51 PM Simon McGarr - They’re all a bit shook sounding.
10:51 PM Simon McGarr - ‘Thinking outside the box’. Brenda loses a point.
10:51 PM Suzy Byrne - Brenda getting emotional
10:51 PM Simon McGarr - Nikki has the most stressed forehead I’ve ever seen.
10:51 PM Valerie Woods - They are very shaky…Brenda was especially so
10:52 PM Valerie Woods - I don’t think Orla would be my friend
10:52 PM Simon McGarr - Orla claims she’s going to refute something. Then just denies.
10:52 PM Suzy Byrne - Orla does her icebox impression agaain
10:52 PM Simon McGarr - FURY!
10:52 PM Valerie Woods - It’s her updo
10:52 PM Valerie Woods - hands on your gogetter!
10:52 PM Simon McGarr - Warrioring mentioned.
10:52 PM Suzy Byrne - warrior… Stuart does Tarzan impression…
10:53 PM Valerie Woods - You can’t refute it unless you have proof to the contrary
10:53 PM Valerie Woods - In fairness, I’d find it hard to listen to someone who shouts at me
10:54 PM Simon McGarr - You can’t hear them, for a start.
10:54 PM Valerie Woods - what makes her think the others don’t understand that
10:54 PM Valerie Woods - ?
10:54 PM Valerie Woods - Not when I’m walking away anyway
10:54 PM Simon McGarr - Where does Orla get her blouse selection? The Princess Diana Jumble Sale?
10:55 PM Suzy Byrne - Yawns at rigid icy orla..
10:55 PM Valerie Woods - Yes I don’t like her or her blouses
10:56 PM Simon McGarr - Bill has concerns. But he makes decisions.
10:56 PM Simon McGarr - Orla Fired.
10:57 PM Simon McGarr - She makes the ‘I’m so pleased at your constructive criticism’ face.
10:57 PM Suzy Byrne - wow – Orla fired very quickly – he’s going for another one…
10:57 PM Valerie Woods - When did he decide to point at them when he fires them
10:57 PM Valerie Woods - Defo
10:58 PM Suzy Byrne - nauseous at Stuart’s cards…
10:58 PM Simon McGarr - The point and fire is a show trademark. Descended from Donald Trump himself.
10:58 PM Valerie Woods - Ah I see…I didn’t see it before.
10:58 PM Simon McGarr - Stuart’s card woejeous.
10:58 PM Valerie Woods - Stuart the warrior!!!
10:58 PM Suzy Byrne - Stuart fired!
10:59 PM Simon McGarr - The Ex-warrior.
10:59 PM Suzy Byrne - Brenda to win!
10:59 PM Valerie Woods - I was surprised at that!
10:59 PM Valerie Woods - I’m not sure, but I don’t really know them well enough to call it
10:59 PM Suzy Byrne - nothing in those suitcases!
11:00 PM Simon McGarr - Next week, we get all the losers brought back for a chaos-a-thon.
11:00 PM Valerie Woods - Some shredded chinese newspapers
11:01 PM Valerie Woods - That will be fun…defo going to tune into that!
11:01 PM Simon McGarr - And we’re out. I’ve to leap over to my sadly neglected Q&A Liveblog. Jump with me.
11:01 PM Valerie Woods - I’m scared I might fall!

The Irish Apprentice Episode 2

Simon McGarr — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:08:25 +0000

8:09 PM Simon McGarr - We’re in the Digital Hub, trying to persuade EA to let us promote Facebreaker, a boxing game. Runners up (the girls) get to launch Spore.
8:11 PM Simon McGarr - Seems quixotic tonight, as we all stock up on canned goods and automatic weapons for the coming financial Armageddon.
8:13 PM Simon McGarr - Both teams have spent half the day standing in empty venues.
8:14 PM Simon McGarr - “We should name the food”. Genius. “This will put us streets ahead”.
8:16 PM Simon McGarr - Girls get to launch the most anticipated game for years.
8:16 PM Simon McGarr - Ads: Ad for TV3.
8:17 PM Simon McGarr - Stupid Guinness ad where they mess up some poor office block’s Carbon Footprint.
8:18 PM Simon McGarr - SKY still flogging HD rubbish at us. Not biting on that one.
8:18 PM Simon McGarr - Discover Ireland ignoring the fact that it just costs too much to go on holiday here.
8:19 PM Simon McGarr - Geordie Wheetabix voice. Couldn’t afford actual Antandec.
8:20 PM Simon McGarr - Giant prop comedy is always a winner.
8:20 PM Simon McGarr - And we’re back!
8:22 PM Simon McGarr - One of Bill’s Bad Apple Watchers thinks the boys are good. All the evidence suggests otherwise.
8:22 PM Simon McGarr - They’re now looting an actual gym.
8:24 PM Simon McGarr - The girls, it turns out, are lost when it comes to actually playing the game.
8:25 PM Simon McGarr - Meanwhile the boys have discovered that if you order things from printers, you have to pay them.
8:26 PM Simon McGarr - The girls are trying to come up with some way of breaking past the crack doormen in the IFSC. Why they have decided that only stockbrokers will be interested in Spore is left unexplained.
8:29 PM Simon McGarr - They also show they are unfamiliar with the history of Cybermen, as they have allowed glitter to come near the PC’s grills.
8:30 PM Simon McGarr - Meanwhile, our men haven’t noticed that all the gear they swiped from the gym was Addidas branded.
8:31 PM Simon McGarr - The boy’s event is empty, nobody introduced the game, they all wandered around looking lost.
8:32 PM Simon McGarr - We all know what gender this week’s firee is going to be.
8:32 PM Simon McGarr - Ads: Harry Corry assuring us that he’s in the mood for dancing.
8:32 PM Simon McGarr - Walker crisps snippit.
8:33 PM Simon McGarr - Wait, I’ve been switched to RTE by accident. Back on TV3 they’re selling me … something really stupid. It had to have been some sort of smell in abottle.
8:35 PM Simon McGarr - Lyons assuring us that their tea is no longer evil.
8:35 PM Simon McGarr - And we’re back!
8:36 PM Simon McGarr - Everyone files into the absurd boardroom set. Bill comes out of a 1st Generation Star Trek style sliding door.
8:36 PM Simon McGarr - They are going to so regret choosing those team names.
8:37 PM Simon McGarr - Both the gender teams sing the praises of their blank faced leaders.
8:39 PM Simon McGarr - Bill points out that the boys branded the event with the wrong logo.
8:41 PM Simon McGarr - Now we know we can hire Miss Ireland and two lesser models for the night for E200 + E63 bar tab.
8:42 PM Simon McGarr - Boys told they’re losers. Burst out in a visable sweat.
8:44 PM Simon McGarr - Beer ad featuring Airwolf music.
8:45 PM Simon McGarr - Hooray, I love these knitted genie ads from Meteor.
8:49 PM Simon McGarr - And we’re back!
8:49 PM Ger O’Donovan - Girls’ budget reveals that you can get all the models you want in Dublin – including a Miss Ireland – for 200 yoyos and 63 quid behind the bar.
8:49 PM Ger O’Donovan - D’oh, already been said.
8:49 PM Ger O’Donovan - Still, it’s worth pointing out more than once.
8:50 PM Simon McGarr - It is the take away point of the whole show.
8:50 PM Simon McGarr - 63 euros seems commendably abstemious.
8:51 PM Ger O’Donovan - Lightweights.
8:52 PM Simon McGarr - Bad Apple Watcher points out that nobody had turned up for the boys show.
8:52 PM Simon McGarr - Course, he can’t say they had a rubbish game.
8:52 PM Ger O’Donovan - Guys all hugging each other while waiting for Bill to decide who to give the old heave ho. Since when did Irishmen start hugging strangers? I think they’ve invented the Judas Hug meself.
8:53 PM Simon McGarr - These guys suits are terrible. Some of them are wearing three button suits with all of them done up. Crimes.
8:53 PM Ger O’Donovan - Sez Bill – “one o’ yiz is brown bread”
8:53 PM Simon McGarr - Enough to be fired, by itself.
8:53 PM Simon McGarr - Time for the backbiting.
8:54 PM Simon McGarr - Team leader has an utterly blank face. I can’t remember it even as I’m looking at it.
8:54 PM Ger O’Donovan - Guys have got their shirts and ties out of the same M&S selophane packet
8:55 PM Ger O’Donovan - Bill giving it to these guys straight. Generation Y’s mummy’s have conspicuously failed to prepare them for this moment.
8:56 PM Simon McGarr - Bland dude No. 2 claims as his strong point the fact that he brought in the boxing gear. The misbranded gear.
8:57 PM Simon McGarr - Everyone agrees that Stewart, of the terrible facial hair, ought to be fired. But our Blank Leader didn’t notice.
8:59 PM Simon McGarr - Mark, our wonderfully facially expressive Dub gives Bill one of his classic `Are You Mental?` looks.
9:00 PM Simon McGarr - Bland Dude No. 2 gets canned suddenly.
9:01 PM Simon McGarr - Next week, we’re wearing bunny suits for Supermacs. I’m there.
9:01 PM Ger O’Donovan - Humiliation phase of Apprentice looks like it’s going ahead big time.
9:02 PM Ger O’Donovan - Bill feels very headmastery. I seem to remember hearing many of these catchphrases in the halcyon days of my youth. Yizzer expelled!
9:03 PM Ger O’Donovan - eg “If yizzer back in here again, we’ll have a problem”. Sounds like ArdScoil Ris circa 1989.
9:12 PM Simon McGarr - You can find this public service liveblog on Liveblog.ie